TOTO PASS TOTO 21+
Subtitle: F*ck Mark Z.
I ran inside and exhaled rapidly, I stood unclad in my bedroom arms akimbo and wondering what is happening to day, ‘hope say village people no remember me oh!’.
I took my towel and went inside the bathroom, turned the shower on and the waters sprinkling on me ran down on my naked body, I reminisce on what happened earlier.
All the beautiful ladies in this yard is Mary that we nicknamed Virgin Mary that I mistakenly showed my nakedness, I called it mistake because she is the last person I will ever think of f*cking in that yard.
She attend mountain of fire and didn’t allow anyone to sleep in that house if there is no light.
I wondered why these set of people are not kept in psychiatric to confirm their sanity, I believe she has surpassed the age of menopause and still single.
I wondered what she was doing when she was young, now she is carrying bible up and down praying and disturbing heaven for a miraculous husband.
She has been inviting me to come to her church, I always gave her excuses everyday.
Probably today she has upped her evangelical movement with kingdom of God suffereth violence, and she wants to take me to her church by force and fire, and I wondered who is giving her the idea that at gun point I will agree to join them in shouting ‘fire! Fire!!’, I love my life tho.
I switched off the shower and cleaned my body with the towel, I hung the towel and switched off the light.
I went under the duvet naked and my phone started ringing, I was angry at all my girlfriends so I just ignored my phone completely and slept off.
I felt something tickling me around my nether region, I was enjoying sweet sensation as a very beautiful white girl with curly and long blonde hair, was s*cking my d*ck while keeping an eye contact.
The feelings was heaven as her tongued rolled on my d*ck, she cupped my balls sac and I m*aned.
The thing was becoming serious, instead of me to be m*aning in the dream. I started laughing, I woke up and felt something moving in betwixt my legs.
I felt the movement of cockroach in between my legs as it let out a sound, I jumped up from my bed.
Me: Blood of Jesus! *I scream and rush to the switch, on the bulb*
Me: this idiots don collect light, wey my phone?
I started crawling on the tiled floor searching for my phone, my kneel would have stepped on it when I removed it quickly so that the screen will not crash.
I switched on the flashlight, and looked around the room searching for the rapist cockroach.
I saw 30missed calls, these people will call somebody till they will send cockroach and skeeters to wake you up.
I saw it crawling on my curtail, I grabbed a broom firmly, ready myself to thrash his or her naughty buttocks.
I don’t care about the gender anyway, but I suspect it must be female cockroach ’cause it tried to rape a n*ked sleeping man like me.
Me: you don die today!
I launched the first attack and it met it flying towards the kitchen door, before I could position the direct flashlight to find it.
The thing ran into the kitchen, I went at it with full force and stumbled as my leg entangled on the table in the room, the sharp pain met me crashing on the tiled floor.
I stood up like a man after raining curses on the lineage of that cockroach that looked like Biggy brother, I leaped to the kitchen more conscious.
I saw unwashed plates in the sink.
Me: Umashi, have killed me *cockroach where doing party after party on the sink*
Me: *one run up to the sink tap, and stare at me angrily like sending the message you can do nothing* no be me and you oh!!
I find my way back to my precious bed, this time around.
I locked my d*ck up with a boxer and covered my bare chest with singlet.
I started hearing heavy foot-falls, as someone was slamming the wall and marching hard on the floor. It was like semi-earthquake as she shook the house with her loud voice in prayer.
Mary voice: you that naked enemy, i say die by fire! Fire!! Fire!!! Fire!!! Fire!!!!
Me: I don suffer, person nofit dey in peace for this yard.
I switched on a music on my phone connected it with my mp3, increased the highest volume.
Kept it on my bed side and travelled to the land of everyman.
I woke the next morning and knelt down and prayed, water has start passing garri oh!
U went to the kitchen and washed the plates, rinse it neatly and kept it close to the window so that the sunlight will dry it quickly.
I brushed my mouth and took my bath, placed a call to Biggy, he picked…
Biggy: hello, am I speaking with the prodigal son?
Me: no, you are speaking with the prodigal father, mumu.
Biggy: tell them say, ona plan to kill me with trekking no work.
Me: old things have pass away, new things have come to stay.
Biggy: so, na wetin be the new thing, Mr Noah?
Me: ehnn.. You cook? Hope say my bro dey your house.
Biggy: I dey for fasting for the past two weeks, no near my house oh! Na hunter gun I go take bullet sense enter you.
Me: lai lai! I dey come oh!! You no even get choice, I no suppose collect permission sef. In short, disappear from my line.
I ended the call and dressed up, I came out of the house and locked it, I was about leaving my gate when I saw Mary drying her rinsed clothes on the rope, immediately she saw me.
She raised a new chorus, to the glory of her madness.
Mary: naked satan, naked satan, naked satan, holy ghost fire!!
Me: back to sender *I mumble and left the compound*
I came out of the street, and entered my a bus that was calling passengers to my way.
I sat at the back seat, and did not know what moved me to be looking at shoes in the bus.
As I was scanning legs, the shoe I saw on someone’s legs strike resemblance with the shoe that the madman stole from me.
I looked closely, it was so familiar that I cannot betray my properties from not giving them a trade mark.
Me: na my shoe be this! *I exclaim with calm voice, first*
Girl: *someone tap me* do you know me?
Who will not know Deborah, my former yard neighbor’s girlfriend. That always visits the jobless fool, they will bang from night till morning everyday disturbing the peace of my d*ck, the konji was much on me that I nearly raped a goat mistaken it for a girl, from that day I parked out of that particular yard for them.
Me: not really, *I shake my head* I no know you.
I concentrate more on my shoe that the man who sat on the second role was wearing, I will so deal with this young man and take my shoe.
Girl: is me Deborah, Steven’s girlfriend in your former.
Me: see me see trouble, na only you be Deborah. Aunty I no know even if you be Steven wife!
TOTO PASS TOTO 21+