TOTO PASS TOTO 21+
Subtitle: F*ck Mark Z.
Me: I no know o *we walked to my door and saw my landlord sitted*
Me & Biggy: good evening, sir * he stood up from the chair*
Oga Landlord: I don turn sir, I no be oga landlord again? wey my money?
Me: I go com… *I scratched my head, I have promised him that yesterday*
Me: my bring the money.
I unlocked my room and switched on the light, brought out all the money under my bed.
I didn’t need to count it ’cause I know it is eighteen thousand naira, I gave it to him. He spits on his thumbs rubbed it together and started counting the naira bills in his hands.
Oga Landlord: why eighteen thousand naira? *I scratch my head nervously*
Me: I never do withdrawal, when I do I go come your house, what of my receipt?
He brought out a pen and receipt booklet from his pocket, and tore a piece from it. Wrote my payment details on it and handed it over to me, I glanced through it. Two Months extra to pay for my rent before it will expire again.
Oga Landlord: I nodey do bonanza again oh, if your rent expire all those burial excuses you dey give no go change my mind. I go park you and poverty commot from my yard.
Me: I don hear, goodnight.
He left, I and Biggy went inside and ate, I brought out my best corporate wear and my black Italian shoe that I bought with my life savings, I was busy polishing the shoe while Biggy was chatting. When I was done with the shoe, I plugged the iron and started ironing my church wears.
Biggy: wetin happen? you wan look responsible go witches and wizards confederal meeting?
Me: wetin be the color of your problem, make thunder with seven sounds no descend on you there, you no know say tomorrow na church.
Biggy: I know, but two of us know say Angels wey dey handle registrar dey always mark us absence in advance, wetin differentiate you from juju man be say you no get shrine.
Me: I no get your time *I started whistling*
Biggy: I…. *He beamed as video call came in*
After sometime I raised my head from the ironing and saw Biggy almost n+ked, his boxer have been pulled to his legs.
Me: o boy, no c+m for that bed oh.
He didn’t reply, he only moved his naked self and his android, to a corner of the house doing video call s+x chat.
I slept off while he was busy m+sturbating and video calling naked, otondo. I was determined to be the first person to be in church next day.
Ring tone: if I die young *Biggy’s phone rang in my dream*
I woke up and saw the wall clock, 9:30am.
Me: demonic sleep!! *I cursed*
Biggy was on the phone, the place he slept was wet with his sweat.
Biggy: my love, good morning.
Voice: baby, I missed you, you promised me ten thousand naira but you haven’t sent it.
Biggy: you know I love you so much, I’ll send it to you.
Voice: if you don’t send it today, I know you don’t love me. Bye!!
The call ended, and Biggy turned to me with one look that says ‘please help me with 10k’
Me: if I give you revival slap, your brain and heart go go back to factory resetting.
Biggy: abeg na, you know say you be my guy. I love this babe die, na the girl I wan marry.
Me: you no wan marry Sophia again, wetin be this one name again, polygamous boyfriend?
Biggy: her name na Sandra, she fine well well fair and tall, come get big nyash and moderate br+asts, she be 300L student and she be virgin.
Me: descriptor! You be the biggest mumu, in fact na your picture them go put to define M-U-M-U for dictionary, you never f+ck the girl?
Biggy: yes, she be virgin. She talk say after our marriage, she go give me her virginity.
Me: which university babe wan marry jobless man? Catfish dey swim for your brain, how much you don spend for the babe body?
Biggy: about 200k, I love Sandra, bro. *I had headache immediately*
Me: you be maga, no wonder you dey sweat like Christmas goat, chaaiii!! You don f+nger the girl to confirm say na virgin? she dey torment you for dream and reality. I don leave church matter today, make we go see the babe.
I was able to convince Biggy that I will give him the ten thousand naira if we visit the girl, he followed me reluctantly after we were done preparing. We dropped from the bike in a fence house, since Biggy is known to have a girlfriend in the yard, the gateman let us in, when we got to the self-contain that Biggy’s girlfriend was living in. We were about to knock, when i heard funny sounds.
Female voice: aaaahhh.. ya ya!! F+ck me h+rder baby!!!
TOTO PASS TOTO 21+