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TOTO PASS TOTO (18+) – Episode 20




Subtitle: F*ck Mark Z.
-Episode 20
I ran very fast, they continued chasing even when I was out on the street.
When people start seeing how serious the race was, people that were walking joined me in running. I wondered who was chasing them.
Voices: stop there!! Stop there!! *shouting*
Me: I dey craze?
Boy: why you dey run *running with me*
Me: I no know.
I got to my gate because it is not far from the bar that Biggy and I went to watch the match earlier,
I used my both hands and slammed on the gate repeatedly in a hurry.
Me: Musa Alai! open the gate! fast fast!!
Musa: who wan bring am down for my gate?
Me: na me Victor, abeg open oh! fast fast!!
Musa: so na you, I dey come..
I nearly climbed the gate before the gateman opened the gate, those guys after me were closing in on me. Luckily for me their trousers were not on their waist, I quickly ran in and jammed the gate close.
Musa: oga Victor na you be this? *no, na my ghost*
Me: you don see am *breathing heavily*
Musa: na who dey chase am for you?
Me: armed robbers….
I did not even finish what I was saying when Musa disappeared inside his security quarter, and I wondered what will happen if thieves invade the yard. I ran into my apartment the moment loud banging started on the gate.
I barged inside my room and saw Biggy, sitted before the table that a bottle of malt with a bowl of plantain chips with two laps of fried chicken is on top.
Me: how manage? *breathing heavily*
Biggy: wetin happen? why you dey sweat like ice block.
Me: those guys you fine trouble dey wait for you outside oh.
Biggy: you no mean am, come show me them. My scatter their teeth and their bones, ama bone breaker.
Me: cat fish dey swim for your brain, I no need to be your map. Go outside go see them.
Biggy: fear fear, those small boys pursue you and you run like cow wey escape slaughter *laughing*
Me: you think say em funny? Shift joor.
I sat on the couch with him and took one lap of chicken and devoured with speed, I quickly filled my hand with the chips and stuffed them in my mouth. I ate like a mad man, Biggy raised the bowl of the potato chips and I went for the bottle of malt and emptied the remaining content.
Biggy face was like someone who swallowed a crocodile, his eyes turned red.
The spirit of stinginess was telling me to check the potatoes I bought few days ago, I left for the kitchen and was not surprised that Biggy has fried all.
Me: you no fit see food commot eye Biggy? Remember say bible say man shall not live by bread alone. One day I go give you rat chop.
Biggy: if you leave food you no go die, em don tay wey you go church my interpret am for you, wetin there mean say make we no chop only one food alone. Na em make I add am two laps of chicken with bottle of malt.
Me: I no blame you, your sense expiring date don pass. You wan play game?
Biggy: yes na, my teach you how to play game.
Me: go drop those plates wey you finish my precious potatoes for inside kitchen first.
Biggy went to the kitchen, while I busied myself with setting the game. I connected my laptop to my flat screen television, and did the same with the two wireless pads.
I gave Biggy the one that the running button was not working and took the one in perfect condition. he picked Barcelona and I picked Real Madrid.
We started the game and I was quick to score him one.
Me: goal! You are my son *touching his head*
Biggy: my men nodey run.
Me: see excuse, you don dey fear? nothing do the pad oh.
We resumed the game again, I immediately scored another. Biggy paused the game and changed the control settings, within some minutes he scored.
Biggy: I talk am, say my run control nodey work. Messi been dey run like person wey carry shit for nyash.
Me: las las, you no go fit win me sha..
Biggy: I go pity you, maybe dash you extra two.
I was strong defensively for the half-time, and we ended the first half with one goal difference, I was the one leading. The moment we started second half, he rushed and equalised.
Biggy: you dey feel am, i will whip your bum bum.
Me: na only Messi you dey use na, and my mind nodey here.
Biggy: you wan run *laughing* why you even run from those small boys sef, you nofit withstand them. Fight them like man.
Me: for your info. I be young man, my go fight those people wey don reach bus stop of their destiny and future, is your brain aware of what you are saying?
Biggy: na only to sharp mouth you sabi, gerrehiaaaa…..
Me: my call this babe oooohhh… Na 10pm.
Biggy: so, you sacrifice your life because of phone number?
Me: you suppose to dey think of where to sleep, go arrange kitchen na there you go crash during the friendly match.
I tried Blacky phone number and after it rang twice, she picked the call.
Blacky: hello…
Me: Blacky how far na? Ona don close?
Blacky: hiaa.. I don tell you say my name no be Blacky, we don close, anything?
Me: where you dey now?
Blacky: I wan go house, I dey junction.
Me: Jesus! Thank God you never enter motor oh, them dey kidnap and kill people well well for this area around this time, them even rob one girl yesterday. You no get anybody to sleep with for this area?
Blacky: no, I no get. Talk truth.
Me: I nodey joke oh, I dey live for one self-contain around that junction.
Blacky: i fit come your house? *compass don click*
Me: ehnn.. I dey come now now. Wait for me for the junction.
I ended the call…
Biggy: guy where you dey go? Na toto go kill you oh.
Me: no worry, na my destiny be that.


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