IB: heennn…! I go tell ona mama oh!
James: Ib na wa for you oh! person nofit sing again for this yard.
John: as if say her name na yellow sisi.
I remembered that Veronica is waiting for me to help her out with her p-ant oh, I rushed inside the yard hallway that led to the inner compound.
I turned left and held the handle of my door, turned it and gave it a side push.
But the door refused to move, I tried it again before resorting to knocking. I knocked three times before I finally bent and removed the foot-mat and find my key beneath it, make em no be say my girlfriend use me joke oh! ‘Cause my di-ck is fully ere-cted.
I thrusted the key in the hole and turned the handle, the door creaked and I pushed it open, my eyes went directly to the bed and find it empty, chaii..! My mama advice me not to date stubborn girls I no hear.
I examined everywhere to confirm if she isn’t playing hide and seek, I pulled out my phone and dialed her number. She picked at the second ring.
Me: where you dey?
I was unable to hear her because the place was very noisy, she ended the call and called after some minutes which I picked.
Veronica’s voice: wetin you been dey talk?
Me: where you dey?
Veronica’s voice: I dey market with Cynthia dey buy something wey I go prepare for you when you come.
Me: wetin be when you come? I dey yard already.
Veronica’s voice: Jesus, eyaa! I no know say my boyfriend love puna like that.
Me: ona don buy finish?
Veronica’s voice: remaining small thing.
Me: I dey come.
I ended the call and came out of the yard, IB was still sweeping while Junior was sweeping the hallway that housed my room.
He greeted and responded, I got to my car and discovered that I didn’t take my car keys all along.
The stress to go back to go carry am just weak me, I decided to use okada. I walked towards the tarred road, the market isn’t really far from were I live. Just one hundred naira person don reach there.
I responded to the hailing that the two yards that I walked past threw at me, I waited one okada man and climbed after paying him.
I no know say the man eyes don dirty.
Okada-man: if no be say I dey carry you I for don fly.
Me: I look wetin I dey on top na moving machine oga you dey fly before?
Okada-man: yes na, no be aeroplane we dey so.
He moved the bike and stayed on the centre of the road, I think say the man go shift go corner as moving car dey approach us.
Me: oga, car dey come oh!
Okada-man: you mean bicycle.
The man driving the car moved aside for us not to collide with his car.
He slowed down and started shouting at us with top of his voice.
Driver: if ona wan die, no be me go kill ona ewu.
Me: oga we for don get accident oh.
Okada-man: that boy wey dey drive bicycle no get respect, em suppose shift for old man like me.
Me: oga na car we for don jam oh.
Okada-man: talk truth, I think say na bicycle.
I started perceiving offensive smell of alcohol, I didn’t understand till the man moved to the centre of the road disobeying traffick rules.
My brain suddenly tell me say the man don drink to stupor, I tapped him quickly.
Me: oga drop me oh! We don reach market.
Okada-man: no wonder I dey hear market women dey curse each other.
I looked around in search of the market women na grasses I just dey see, I wonder if wetin the man talk na spiritual message or something else.
I tapped him to drop me biko, am too young to die.
Which market women dey curse each other when all the bikers that rode pass us was raining abuses on us.
He moved out of the tarred road and parked by the side, I thanked him and came down.
I decided to trek the distance em no far again, I have not even gone far when I saw a bike moving towards me on the other lane carrying Veronica and Cynthia.
Veronica: shouting at me where you dey go baby?
Me: shouting stop! stop!!
The bike man stopped and I crossed the tarred road, just then I heard a loud bang from a distance.
I looked towards that end and saw people running towards the scene, accident don happen.
And I no go surprise na the drunk bike-man go kill himself.
Cynthia: person don get accident looking back
Okada-man: em go be that mumu man na, this kind early morning person dey drink enter road.
Veronica: baby, where you dey go?
Me: I wan come jack you come house before those mama thank you boys go kidnap you from me.
Cynthia: them don change logo, now na beards gang.
Me: Cynthia come down, I wan enter for my babe back.
Cynthia: honourable talk and do, here no be bedroom oh!
Veronica: babe do as he said oh! My boffie na jealous lover oh!
Me: you dey hear am.
Cynthia grumbled and later came down, I climbed on the bike and my amu graced her soft bums. She wore a sexy gown.
The bike-man started the machine and moved while Cynthia flagged down another bike.
Me: see wetin you wear go market.
Veronica: abi? I dey find more suitors.
Me: so I nodey enough.
Veronica: no na, am sorry honey pie. When we reach house I go do you well.
Me: I whisper to her for bed?
Veronica: no with food, I wan cook fried rice.
I just felt like asking the bike-man to stop and borrow me two minutes to give her John Cena finishing, I still dey hope say she go change her mind about se-x starving me oh!
We got to my room and she dropped the things she bought from the market in the kitchen and came back to the room, looking beautifully tired with sweats on her face.
Veronica: you don baf?
Me: I think say when we do finish I go baf.
Veronica: wetin we wan do finish?
Me: that thing na I wink at her
Veronica: go baf oh! I dey go cook.
She tied apron around her waist and wore one cap like that and went back to the kitchen, I dragged myself to the bathroom and had my bath.
PHCN remembered us I kept myself busy watching one boring movie, everything is boring until Veronica give me chance to release.
She served me food and went to also have her own bath, I ate the fried rice and chicken with beef and juice. Delicious food made from beautiful wife material, she came out with just tight and one singlet like that.
Once I saw her dressing up to go out the food no come sweet again, the taste turn to bitter-leaf suddenly.
Me: where we dey go?
Naso I see myself drive my underperforming girlfriend to shopping mall, she held my hands as we went inside.
I was very much absent dreaming of when we will be naked under the sheet not walking clothed inside one mumu shopping mall.
I was the one jacking the trolley as a dutiful boyfriend wey I be, while she do the choosy.
Me: you never still tire?
Veronica: you no get any foodstuffs for your house, you dey complain.
I sighed deeply and raised my head, I locked gaze with Aisha and the world around me paused.
She was looking beautiful and seductive as usual, she beamed at me.
She started walking towards I and Veronica, Vero was busy checkmating the goods she wanted to buy.
A little boy ran to her and tugged on her beautiful gown.
Little boy: mommy! mommy!!
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