Hun haa!!! My first cousin who is a
notorious farter jumped up blowing air
with his hands to his nose. Papa and
mama wasiu this is too bad o, una wan
kill person? he complained bitterly. I
think his face is very near to where
mama buttocks is.
Will you shut up, he was cut short by the
second thief. Where is your money and
gold? He faced papa.
I no get money o, papa never finished
his statement when a slap that sounded
like the Catholic bell landed on his face.
Papa replied with a fart that lasted for
30seconds, i was gasping for breath at
E be like say na farting family be this o,
you dey craze abi you think say we come
here to play, infact we are killing all your
children, their leader ranted.
Oya you come out, he pointed at my first
cousin. Say your last prayer, as if on cue
with my other cousins, they all let out a
fart that saw the leader running outside
never to return. I can hear the barking of
our dog that sounded like the cry of a
baby cat i guess he is about to be
E no go better for all of you, the second
thief sounded like he is about to cry. See
as una take use mess send my oga
away. But before we go, we go carry this
una television go. He called on the other
three thieves with him to carry the
television. Meanwhile, my elder sister is
hiding close to the t.v releasing toxic
substance into the air in per seconds
billing. The two thieves were about to
carry the t.v when my sister broke the
record papa and mama has been
competing for. The thieves ran out as if
they were been chased leaving one of
them behind who has been unconscious
since papa’s second fart.
We found a rope to tie him and hand
him over to the police who refuse to
believe we don’t have a week old corpse
in our house even after they have
searched every nook and cranny of our
house. One of them even suggested they
use oxygen mask for them to be able to
Officer, they came with two tippers and
one dangote truck full of guns but i beat
all of them and they ran away except for
this one i didn’t allow to escape. I could
hear father proudly boasting as i was
wheeled into the ambulance. I think he is
right if only he made mention of mama’s
beans as his gun and the farts as his
Doctor said i only experienced shock cos
of the attack but what he doesn’t
understand is that my sister’s fart
shocked me to the bone marrow.
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