B. I. T. C. H … (18+) … Part 1

Driving at an insanely fast speed in her 2010 Honda Accord, Zainab was forced to apply pressure on the car break when she saw something that most definitely caught her attention, a sign board which had ‘KINGSTON jo!’ Boldly written on it. Thanks to the highly effective breaks, the car screeched to a halt just outside the ‘Kingston Jo’ eatery located somewhere in Festac, and without a second thought on how her car was wrongly parked almost at the middle of the busy express way she literally jumped out of the car with rage.
The eatery was barely a week old and it’s name had already spread round the entire Festac and beyond, it was known to be the perfect spot for lovers who don’t give a Bleep about what people thought about them to hang out and have a peaceful lunch, the building size was somewhere between big and small and was basically built all through with solid glass, the chinese contractors who built it did a swell job to make sure the building wasn’t just fine but something more than fine (,perhaps magnificent).
Somewhere in the building, close to the northern transparent glass which faced the express way, a couple could be seen playing ‘lovey dovey’, the man filled his fork with the well cooked jollof rice in his plate and romantically offered it to the lady across the table who gracefully opened her mouth and let him feed her, a few grains mistakenly fell on her clothes and instead of her to be pissed or something like that, she laughed sheepishly and the man joined her.
Zainab who had almost gotten to the entrance of the eatery saw as this happened and her rage instantly multiplied, she murmured something like;
“Can you imagine? And he hasn’t even offered me even a grain of rice in the last century o!”
She had a last glance at the couple, the man in particular as if she was trying to confirm something before she pushed the entrance door so vigorously the hinges vibrated and stormed into the eatery, in one quick movement she teleported herself to the table where the love birds were and before the lady or the man could do anything, Zainab raised her hands and gave the lady one of those kind of slaps that can cast out demons, the lady who was slapped let a loud scream and instead of her to retaliate as any sharp Nigerian babe would do, the intensity of the slap she just received was enough to tell her not to dare slap Zainab back, so she did the only thing she could do;
“What was that for?” She asked while stylishly keeping her distance from Zainab just in case of any fatalities.
Being a typical Nigerian eatery filled with Nigerians, a small crowd quickly gathered to witness what was happening, even though no cameras could be seen around, some of the people gathered still thought it was just a movie being acted since Zainab was a familiar face to a couple of people who knew her from the popular T.V soap opera titled ‘Broken Dreams’.
Zainab looked at the lady who asked the question and felt the urge to give her another slap that might have rendered the lady deaf but she controlled the urge and let out a loud hiss, she then looked at the man who had been quiet all through as if he was still surprised then said;
“Its over between me and you, I’ll send you the divorce papers tomorrow morning and you had better sign it or else…” She didn’t bother completing the statement but the look in her face said it all.
After saying this, she turned and walked out of the eatery leaving the crowd wondering either that was going to be a scene in the next episode of ‘Broken Dreams’.
The man on the other hand was contemplating on either he should go after Zainab or not, after a few seconds he decided to go after her, but he was a little to late as he was just in time to see her enter the red Honda which he bought for her and without looking back once she stirred the car around and drove straight home.
The man walked back into the eatery, picked up his suitcase and headed for the door, the lady who he was having lunch with looked amazed and rained a thousand questions on the man;
“Who was that? What was that all about? Where are you going to? Who would pay for this lunch?”
The man took a paused in his steps, took a deep breath and replied;
“That was my wife or should I say ex-wife now, and its all your fault” without waiting for a response, he walked out of the building, entered his Nissan Murano and zoomed of out of sight in a totally different direction from Zainab, Zainab hadn’t told him not to come home but he really didn’t need to be told as history had told him his wife was a B•I•T•C•H, (Babe In Total Control of Herself) and he dared not try her.


Richard found himself doing what he promised Zainab he would never do again. He made the promise to her at the
‘St Luke hospital’ where he was admitted for taking an overdose of the ‘stuff’ – as he fondly called it. Zainab, who had been as scared as hell literally forced him to make the promise after the doctors successfully resuscitated him because he had passed out, so he reluctantly looked her in the eyes and said;
“As long as I live on this earth, I’ll never do drugs again”.
Those were just merely empty words now as Richard presently leaned over the table where a ‘whitish’ powder-like substance was and expertly placed his nose close enough to inhale a substantial amount of the substance which was probably cocaine.
After he inhaled the substance, he sniffed harshly and shook his head vigorously then he sniffed once more, before he knew what was happening … he lost his balance and slumped to the tiled floor of room 21 in ‘The ‘Wheatbaker’ hotel located in Ikoyi, Lagos. He looked dead from a distance but he wasn’t.
Subconsciously, his mind drifted of course and started wandering, the past moments he shared with Zainab were the first to pop in his head and he could remember the first time he set his eyes on Zainab. It had been at a ‘three days’ global work shop for actors, actresses, TV personalities, producer and other people responsible for those moving pictures we watch on our TV set.
It was day one of the event and Richard who was present as an aspiring producer, was among the first set of people to walk into the rather luxurious looking hall, he choosed a seat at the third row where the view of the stage was perfect and thereafter patiently waited for the event to start.
Barely two hours later, the event had begun and already gone half way when he first sighted Zainab as she mounted the podium in other to give a speech. He stared at her with his mouth widely opened, totally amazed at how beautiful she looked, technically speaking – he didn’t think it was possible for a ‘normal human’ to look like that.

Funny enough, Richard hadn’t been the only one who had been charmed by Zainab’s prowess look because a couple of other guys in the hall had their mouth wide opened as well. Zainab, on the other hand didn’t seem to care about the way all the guys in the entire hall reacted, all she had on her mind was;
“who sent me to wear this heels now? Ouch! They are really hurting my legs. Let me just give this silly speech and get the hell out of her”, and at that very moment, she grabbed the microphone and started delivering her speech.
From where he sat, all Richard could hear from Zainab’s mouth was “bla bla bla” as all his attention was focused on her super cute face, extra large bosoms and that kind of hips that would make Toolz feel as straight as a ruler. Although he didn’t voice it out, he vowed to at least say ‘hi’ to her after the event ends.
About an hour later, Zainab was through with her speech and since she was the final speaker for the day, the event had officially ended. She quickly informed her audience about the plans for the next day and without observing some protocols, she shut down her PC, picked up her hand bag and hurried out of the hall like she was being chased. As soon as she got to her car, she immediately removed the shoes and let out a loud sigh, the shoe had a ridiculous 7 inches high heels so her rush to remove the shoe was quite understandable. As she flashed back to reality, she swore never to wear the shoes again unless the heels magically reduced in length.
Richard who had been staring at Zainab in her car from a distance for quite a while, was fighting a mental war in his head – while a part of him wanted to approach Zainab, the other part strongly advised against it, so after weighing his options, he figured the worst that could happen was Zainab zooming off in her car and leaving him standing like a moron, he decided to take the risk.
He slowly walked up to the car, which by the way was just a silver Toyota Corolla, as he got close enough to the car, he knocked on the window because Zainab hadn’t whined it down then he waited for her to respond. It was obvious that the knock on the window took Zainab unawares as her skeleton nearly sprung out of her skin in shock, she only gained back her composure when she looked outside and saw it was just a harmless dude who obviously had no weapon on him.
She inserted the keys into the ignition and twisted it in such a way that the car didn’t actually start, but was possible to whine down the window;
“Yes? Can I help you?” She asked irritated.
“Err.. Err.. No.. Yes.. Sorry, I mean no” he stuttered in response.
Zainab who was obviously confused by the look she had on then asked;
“So why did you knock on my window?”
Richard was feeling really stupid at that moment, he regretted approaching her without thinking about what he would say first, he imagined himself telling her how he chased her to her car just to say she was beautiful and in his imagination, he also pictured her slapping him for wasting her time. So he scratched his head silently praying an idea would pop.
“Why did you knock on my window?” Zainab asked again, only this time, there was some traces disgust in her tone.
Luckily for him, an idea popped into his head, it wasn’t the best of ideas but it was better than keeping quiet.
“Err.. I just wanted to say I loved your speech, the points you gave were very nice and am sure if I can apply it when producing, the result would be great” he blurted out.
Zainab who didn’t fancy flattering, kept her face straight and asked;
“So you are a producer?”
“Yes, I am” Richard had a quick thought about what he just said and quickly added “well, am not really a producer yet, but am working towards it and with the points you gave, am sure…”
“… You would be a great producer.” She cut in and completed his statement. “thanks for the compliments but I really need to take my leave now” she added.
“Err.. Okay, anyway, thanks for your time” Richard replied trying to hide his disappointment.
“You are welcome” Zainab replied and before Richard could think of something to reply her, she quickly zoomed off.
Well, all of that was about five years ago, how Richard and Zainab fell in love and got married a year after that first encounter is a story for another day.

The time was about 7:54 PM when Zainab finally got home, she was totally exhausted but irrespective of that, she still looked beautiful, five years had past since she first met Richard – her soon to be ‘ex’ husband, and frankly speaking, she still looked as dashing as ever, as a matter of fact, she seemed to be getting more beautiful by the year.
Even at the age of 32, She had been voted the sexiest female celebrity for two consecutive years and from the way things looked, she was going for the third award since there wasn’t really any competition.
She went straight to the bedroom and after undressing, she moved straight to the bathroom to shower, as the water dripped on her, it sent cold shivers down her spine at first but she immediately relaxed and for the first time since she zoomed out of the premises of ‘ KINGSTON jo ‘, she actually took a deep breath and wasn’t thinking about what she had done so wrong which made Richard to change his attitude towards her.
When they first got married, he had been so caring and romantic, but now, he was just cold and didn’t seem to even notice her presence anymore. What made matters worse, was that she had no idea what she had done wrong and no matter how many times she had asked him, she kept on saying;
“There is no problem with our marriage, stop trying to create one”, so she gave up on asking, and although she had caught him cheating several times, she had kept her cool thinking it was just a stage in their marriage but finally, the camel back was broken and she couldn’t take it no more.
She came out of the shower and just as if it had been planned, her phone started ringing almost immediately. It was still in her handbag, so she searched for it vigorously, finally, she found it and firstly checked who was calling her. It was her best friend, Jumoke, who she fondly called Jummy, she grinned.
“Hello, please who is on the line?” She asked jokingly.
Jummy, who was the ‘rascal’ one between them replied;
“ Ah! Ori e ti baje! (Your head has spoil), is it me you are asking that one?” Jummy fired at her over the phone.
Zainab grin grew wider as she had expected such a reply, she then asked;
“Why are you speaking gibberish? Can’t you just answer the question straight forward in plain english?”, but maybe she shouldn’t have.
“ Iya la ya! (Your grand – mother) Ori e ti fo ka sibe! (Your head has scattered) Thunder fire you there!…” Jummy rained curses on Zainab who could help but burst out in laughter.
“Jummy.. Jummy! Its okay oh, abeg no kill me with your mouth oh, na play I they play with you na, or I no fit play with you again?”
“Ode! Foolish girl, God just saved you now oh, if you had asked that question once more, I would have sworn for you with Sango! ‘
NB: Sango is believed to be the yoruba god of thunder.
Zainab, who felt she had had enough fun already, just ignored Jummy’s last statement and changed the topic;
“How are you doing?” She asked.
“Am fine oh, how about you and that your hot husband that I plan on s——g one day na?” Jummy asked jokingly, or so it seemed.
That question brought back some bad memories so she just kept quiet, Jummy became worried and added;
“Hello? Are you still there? Na play I they play oh”
“Jumoke…” Zainab called coldly.
“Ah! This one that you are calling me by my full name, am I safe?”
“Jummy, we need to talk” Zainab replied.
Jummy sighed and replied;
“hope there is no problem oh! I’ll drop by your place tomorrow on my way to work”
“I’m divorcing Richard” Zainab replied using the same cold tone she seemed to have suddenly adopted.
“What?! Am on my way to your place right away!” Jummy replied in surprise and hung up.


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